It turned put the wake up call is too late for me, in one sense. After finding out that Tony had the dreaded disease, I thought it's more likely I would have it since I've been more "risky" than him (he and I are only friends), so I went and got tested to play it safe (pun intended). Well, I was devastated yesterday morning to have the nice and pretty lady tell me that she "didn't have good news."

I've been diagnosed with HIV by the Eliza test and it's been backed up/confirmed by the European blot test. My first thought was where is the highest building to jump off of, as tears filled my eyes, and then I was in that dream state where this can't be happening, this is all unreal, I'm watching a movie, how will I tell mom and Kim and Lisa and everybody, why did I have to be so stupid? Why couldn't/didn't I stop sinning and live? As Cher sings, "If I could turn back time." But the woman tried to comfort me, saying that whereas most people used to die within two years, now many are living up to 10 years without any symptoms. I also don't have any symptoms now.

She gave me all the information and numbers and places like David's House and MCO [Medical College of Ohio] to help out people like me with no insurance (and now I'll never be able to get any), all the information that I never wanted to hear or have to receive (probably like you now, sorry)....